Monday, November 8, 2010
The Test
This past Wednesday and Sunday, we focused on stewardship at mid and senior high youth groups. As a part of our study of using our time, talents, and gifts, our 6th-12th grade students were given the opportunity to take a spiritual gifts inventory. The goal was that this “test” will help them understand some of the talents they have and the ways they can share some of their talents with Zion Lutheran Church. If you didn’t get to take the inventory, you can access it here to either take it online or print it out and take it:
http://www2.elca.org/christianeducation/programplanners/2005CEProgramPlanner/spiritualgifts.html
Despite its length (it’s hard to focus for that many questions), I really do like this inventory and the resources that go with it! It offers a perspective on one’s spiritual and relational talents. That same site offers a resource in the youth category called “Using Your Gifts.” Once the inventory is taken, this sheet tells a little more about how one can use their spiritual and relational strengths.
Some of the Zion youth who took this “test” shared their results with me. Knowing what I know about several of these students (and teens in general), I expected our students to receive high scores and to be talented in areas of gifts like music, leadership, and even service. However, there seems to be a common theme from the results of many of the Zion teens who took the inventory. Many of them scored high in the categories of relational gifts over spiritual gifts. In particular in that relational category, many of the youth have their top gifts in listening and intergenerational openness.
For me, this speaks volumes, especially in the area of intergenerational openness. In my master’s degree work, I studied lot about adolescent growth and development, in addition to faith development of teens. Adolescence is a time of rapid physical, intellectual, social, and emotional growth. And, as most of us could probably guess, a typical characteristic of teenage development is discovering their self identity and expressing that identity to others. Often, this leads to a “breaking away” from parents and various expressions of asserting independence. While often times this is trying on families and parents, this is actually a very healthy and normal teenage experience.
From time to time, as their youth minister, youth share things with me that they don’t feel comfortable sharing with their parents. For this very reason, having an adult role model, that is trustworthy, is so important for teenagers. And barring any harm from what they share may cause to themselves or another, a smart youth minister would not break the confidence of a teenager. On the other hand, not every teenager will connect with their youth minister. I’ve not met a youth minister, yet, who had a daily/weekly, strong, personal, wonderful connection with every youth on their church’s roster. It’s just not possible.
Can they be cordial and friendly? Sure! But this is part of the key to having adult church members serve as volunteers in a church’s youth ministry. While I (the youth minister) may not have an instant connection with every youth in the church, I bet I can find an adult in our church who does! That is a fascinating part of ministry for me! In the past 9 years of doing youth ministry, I have loved promoting and seeing the relationships formed between youth and youth ministry volunteers. I have loved (and do love) the connections I have made. It is truly a visual representation of the vows we (as a church) say when we baptize our children … that we are going to love and support them (and their parents) as they grow up in the Christian faith.
I am so thankful for the volunteers at Zion who have stepped forward to be in relationship with our youth – those who help with youth group, teach Sunday school, go on trips, cook meals with or for our students, and so much more! The good news is, according to the gifts and talents of our youth, Zion students are very open to this intergenerational connection. What an exciting place and situation to share in ministry!
http://www2.elca.org/christianeducation/programplanners/2005CEProgramPlanner/spiritualgifts.html
Despite its length (it’s hard to focus for that many questions), I really do like this inventory and the resources that go with it! It offers a perspective on one’s spiritual and relational talents. That same site offers a resource in the youth category called “Using Your Gifts.” Once the inventory is taken, this sheet tells a little more about how one can use their spiritual and relational strengths.
Some of the Zion youth who took this “test” shared their results with me. Knowing what I know about several of these students (and teens in general), I expected our students to receive high scores and to be talented in areas of gifts like music, leadership, and even service. However, there seems to be a common theme from the results of many of the Zion teens who took the inventory. Many of them scored high in the categories of relational gifts over spiritual gifts. In particular in that relational category, many of the youth have their top gifts in listening and intergenerational openness.
For me, this speaks volumes, especially in the area of intergenerational openness. In my master’s degree work, I studied lot about adolescent growth and development, in addition to faith development of teens. Adolescence is a time of rapid physical, intellectual, social, and emotional growth. And, as most of us could probably guess, a typical characteristic of teenage development is discovering their self identity and expressing that identity to others. Often, this leads to a “breaking away” from parents and various expressions of asserting independence. While often times this is trying on families and parents, this is actually a very healthy and normal teenage experience.
From time to time, as their youth minister, youth share things with me that they don’t feel comfortable sharing with their parents. For this very reason, having an adult role model, that is trustworthy, is so important for teenagers. And barring any harm from what they share may cause to themselves or another, a smart youth minister would not break the confidence of a teenager. On the other hand, not every teenager will connect with their youth minister. I’ve not met a youth minister, yet, who had a daily/weekly, strong, personal, wonderful connection with every youth on their church’s roster. It’s just not possible.
Can they be cordial and friendly? Sure! But this is part of the key to having adult church members serve as volunteers in a church’s youth ministry. While I (the youth minister) may not have an instant connection with every youth in the church, I bet I can find an adult in our church who does! That is a fascinating part of ministry for me! In the past 9 years of doing youth ministry, I have loved promoting and seeing the relationships formed between youth and youth ministry volunteers. I have loved (and do love) the connections I have made. It is truly a visual representation of the vows we (as a church) say when we baptize our children … that we are going to love and support them (and their parents) as they grow up in the Christian faith.
I am so thankful for the volunteers at Zion who have stepped forward to be in relationship with our youth – those who help with youth group, teach Sunday school, go on trips, cook meals with or for our students, and so much more! The good news is, according to the gifts and talents of our youth, Zion students are very open to this intergenerational connection. What an exciting place and situation to share in ministry!
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
TODAY AND TOMORROW!
I have heard it said, over and over that our youth of today are the future of our church. I’m not sure that I agree with statement, whole-heartedly. Yes, it is a fact that some today’s youth will grow up, go off to college, come back, get married, have children, and will be the adults of tomorrow’s church. And, I’d like to think that we’re instilling the priority to our youth that even if they don’t come back to Zion Lutheran Church they would be a part an active part of some Christian church, somewhere. But, I think there is more to it ... I think our youth are not only the church of TOMORROW but they should be, in fact, known as the church of TODAY.
I mean, just think about some of the leaders in the Bible who were young. They actually teach some really good lessons. Here are three examples:
First, there was David. Come on, he killed an intimidating, skilled, giant of a man. You’ll remember that young David, not even old enough to be in the army, came to the “front lines” (at the request of his father) to bring some food to his brothers and check on them. When David got there, he simply looked at the problem (of the Philistine army / Goliath), faced his own limitations, prayed to God for help, and defeated Goliath. The lesson? “Young” David despite his age and lack of experience figured out how to use the skills he did have! After all, he was a shepherd-boy and he defended his sheep all the time against wild animals. David’s gifts? A cool head and an inventive brain. Don’t those same characteristics apply to some of the youth of today?
Then there’s Mary. Young, pregnant, Mary, the mother of Jesus. Can you imagine being young and in a situation not well accepted by society? Don’t get me wrong, I am not comparing, judging, or suggesting any of our youth should willingly get themselves into situations not accepted by society. However, I am suggesting “young” Mary’s actions in the situation were heroic. When Mary found herself and her family in a stressful and unfortunate (by societal standards) situation, she was able to accept that God had a plan for her even though she couldn’t understand it. And, I think there is a lesson we can take from Mary when she found herself in this troublesome situation. Mary connected with a mentor, Elizabeth. Mary sought her mentor’s guidance, thoughts, and support. On the other hand, Elizabeth listened and learned a lot from Mary; and Mary was, in turn, a support to Elizabeth.
And, what about Timothy? Timothy has been a traveling companion of Paul. The influence that he had over the early Christian church became extra-ordinary. But, Timothy, was very young for a church leader; we know this because Paul tells him “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for other believers!” (1 Tim 4:12). In the two letters sent to Timothy by Paul, Timothy appears as timid, perhaps because of his relative youth. On the other hand, it is believed that Timothy became the first bishop of Ephesus, and that he was martyred there in 97 AD. The lesson? We can’t lead people where we ourselves have never been. Paul taught that to Timothy. So how can we expect our youth to lead the church tomorrow, if we don’t TEACH them and INCLUDE them and TRUST them in the decision making processes of today?
There are modern day examples, too! These are examples of “young” leaders from our congregation who are, truly, setting the example from 1 Timothy 4:12 (please note: there are many I could share; I’ve limited myself to 3 examples but I am proud of all of my students).
Take Christian, an 11th grader. He and some of his friends dressed up and went trick or treating last night! According to Christian’s mom, Christian and his friends ran into another mom who started interrogating them, thinking they may be the older kids who snatched her 11 year old son's candy and ran with it. After talking to Christian and his friends, this mom realized it was not them. Here’s the extra-ordinary part of the story. After this conversation, Christian and his friends filled a bag with all of the candy they had collected and took it over to the little boy’s house. Nope, it’s not saving the world. But, they did “save” that little boy’s world and probably sparked a Halloween memory for that little boy that he will not soon forget and may one day share with his children.
Don't forget, Kara, a 12th grader. She was very frustrated and offended by some bullying that was going on in one of her classes at school. Several times, Kara “stood up” to the bullies in the class and asked them to stop picking on another student. Kara was able to be proactive in the situation and help stop the negative behavior that was hurting another student. Nope, she didn’t save the school from a terrorist or anything, but she did stop one student from being terrorized and isn’t worried about what those bullies think about her for standing up to them.
What about Jordan, a 10th grader. Jordan has been a part of Zion for over 10 years and is in her second year of serving on our student leadership team. Jordan is running for church council this year. Jordan is a great example of perseverance, for me, because she has acknowledged the fact that because of her (and the youth of Zion’s) age, teenagers are often looked down upon or not taken seriously. Jordan KNOWS and MAINTAINS and is EXCITED that the youth of our church could have a voice on church council. Jordan and the youth are excited for an opportunity for the youth to step up and become a part of the Zion decision making process.
Considering these past and modern day examples, it seems that teenagers are actively engaged in being the church of today, not just tomorrow. I am very proud of the students with whom I share in ministry and I am excited that, together, we will grow and make a difference in the world!
I mean, just think about some of the leaders in the Bible who were young. They actually teach some really good lessons. Here are three examples:
First, there was David. Come on, he killed an intimidating, skilled, giant of a man. You’ll remember that young David, not even old enough to be in the army, came to the “front lines” (at the request of his father) to bring some food to his brothers and check on them. When David got there, he simply looked at the problem (of the Philistine army / Goliath), faced his own limitations, prayed to God for help, and defeated Goliath. The lesson? “Young” David despite his age and lack of experience figured out how to use the skills he did have! After all, he was a shepherd-boy and he defended his sheep all the time against wild animals. David’s gifts? A cool head and an inventive brain. Don’t those same characteristics apply to some of the youth of today?
Then there’s Mary. Young, pregnant, Mary, the mother of Jesus. Can you imagine being young and in a situation not well accepted by society? Don’t get me wrong, I am not comparing, judging, or suggesting any of our youth should willingly get themselves into situations not accepted by society. However, I am suggesting “young” Mary’s actions in the situation were heroic. When Mary found herself and her family in a stressful and unfortunate (by societal standards) situation, she was able to accept that God had a plan for her even though she couldn’t understand it. And, I think there is a lesson we can take from Mary when she found herself in this troublesome situation. Mary connected with a mentor, Elizabeth. Mary sought her mentor’s guidance, thoughts, and support. On the other hand, Elizabeth listened and learned a lot from Mary; and Mary was, in turn, a support to Elizabeth.
And, what about Timothy? Timothy has been a traveling companion of Paul. The influence that he had over the early Christian church became extra-ordinary. But, Timothy, was very young for a church leader; we know this because Paul tells him “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for other believers!” (1 Tim 4:12). In the two letters sent to Timothy by Paul, Timothy appears as timid, perhaps because of his relative youth. On the other hand, it is believed that Timothy became the first bishop of Ephesus, and that he was martyred there in 97 AD. The lesson? We can’t lead people where we ourselves have never been. Paul taught that to Timothy. So how can we expect our youth to lead the church tomorrow, if we don’t TEACH them and INCLUDE them and TRUST them in the decision making processes of today?
There are modern day examples, too! These are examples of “young” leaders from our congregation who are, truly, setting the example from 1 Timothy 4:12 (please note: there are many I could share; I’ve limited myself to 3 examples but I am proud of all of my students).
Take Christian, an 11th grader. He and some of his friends dressed up and went trick or treating last night! According to Christian’s mom, Christian and his friends ran into another mom who started interrogating them, thinking they may be the older kids who snatched her 11 year old son's candy and ran with it. After talking to Christian and his friends, this mom realized it was not them. Here’s the extra-ordinary part of the story. After this conversation, Christian and his friends filled a bag with all of the candy they had collected and took it over to the little boy’s house. Nope, it’s not saving the world. But, they did “save” that little boy’s world and probably sparked a Halloween memory for that little boy that he will not soon forget and may one day share with his children.
Don't forget, Kara, a 12th grader. She was very frustrated and offended by some bullying that was going on in one of her classes at school. Several times, Kara “stood up” to the bullies in the class and asked them to stop picking on another student. Kara was able to be proactive in the situation and help stop the negative behavior that was hurting another student. Nope, she didn’t save the school from a terrorist or anything, but she did stop one student from being terrorized and isn’t worried about what those bullies think about her for standing up to them.
What about Jordan, a 10th grader. Jordan has been a part of Zion for over 10 years and is in her second year of serving on our student leadership team. Jordan is running for church council this year. Jordan is a great example of perseverance, for me, because she has acknowledged the fact that because of her (and the youth of Zion’s) age, teenagers are often looked down upon or not taken seriously. Jordan KNOWS and MAINTAINS and is EXCITED that the youth of our church could have a voice on church council. Jordan and the youth are excited for an opportunity for the youth to step up and become a part of the Zion decision making process.
Considering these past and modern day examples, it seems that teenagers are actively engaged in being the church of today, not just tomorrow. I am very proud of the students with whom I share in ministry and I am excited that, together, we will grow and make a difference in the world!
Monday, October 25, 2010
The Woman in Front of Me
Yesterday’s Gospel lesson was from Luke 18 – you know the parable about the Pharisee and the tax collector who were each in the temple praying. The tax collector was very ashamed of his sins and couldn’t even look to God. But, the Pharisee was praying something like “God I am so thankful that I am not like ‘those’(i.e. the tax collector) other people; I do what I’m supposed to and follow the rules, and I’m just awesome!”
This got me thinking.
Have you ever had one of those moments? You know the moment where you try to justify doing something you know you shouldn’t do or where you compare yourself to other people to build yourself up or where you judge yourself to be better in some way than another … We’ve all done it! I have! Certainly when I was a teenager, this was commonplace in my life. I think that is part of the process of growing up and gaining one’s self identity and self esteem. It’s a natural tendency. But, even as an adult and as much as I don’t want to admit it, I still catch myself in these situations from time to time.
Picture it … I was shopping. After all, I really needed some new pants. I went from store to store. When I finally found some that I liked, I wanted to get one in every color they had and call it a day. But I didn’t. I did, however, make my way to the register with 2 pairs of pants. All the while I was contemplating if I should really even get either one of them. After all, Christmas is only two months away and I could wait for a coupon to come out. But on the other hand, the pants were on sale (10% off is better than nothing, right?) and they had my size in stock.
When I got to the register, the woman in front of me had, I’m guessing, about $300 or so worth of purchases she was making. As she was handing item after item to the clerk, I heard her say something like “Well, I really don’t NEED these but they are just so cute, I HAVE to buy them. I’ll probably never wear them, though.” And, “My husband is going to be so mad at me, I didn’t get him anything … oh … hold on – there’s a nice shirt, I’ll get him that.”
I began to think to myself, how I probably didn’t need to spend my money on these two pairs of pants. But, at least I wasn’t like the woman in front of me, needlessly buying something I would never wear.
And there I was … looking down on someone else and judging myself to be better than her. When I heard this Scripture Sunday, it make me think - I was worse off than the woman needlessly spending money because of my judgment of her.
Jesus' message / lesson through this parable is simply stated. I love The Message version of the Bible and that lesson in verse 14 of this 8th chapter. “If you walk around with your nose in the air, you’re going to end up flat on your face, but if you’re content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.” I also like the Contemporary English Version’s translation: “If you put yourself above others, you will be put down. But if you humble yourself, you will be honored.”
When I thought about the shopping situation and this verse from Sunday, it was a real slap in the face; a real wake up call that I need to be more humble. It’s a challenge for me. Recently, I took a spiritual gifts inventory that confirmed this. My lowest score was in mercy (and skilled craft). That’s a real growing edge for me!
So, I’m praying for myself. I need to be more like the tax collected and pray for God to give me the know-how and strength to be more merciful, non-judgmental, and compassionate. I mean, after all, I didn’t know the woman in front of me or her life story. Maybe she won the lottery. Maybe her house burned down and she was replacing her clothes. Maybe this was money she had worked really hard to save and was now enjoying spending it on herself and her husband. And, at least she thought to buy her husband something … in the first place!
This got me thinking.
Have you ever had one of those moments? You know the moment where you try to justify doing something you know you shouldn’t do or where you compare yourself to other people to build yourself up or where you judge yourself to be better in some way than another … We’ve all done it! I have! Certainly when I was a teenager, this was commonplace in my life. I think that is part of the process of growing up and gaining one’s self identity and self esteem. It’s a natural tendency. But, even as an adult and as much as I don’t want to admit it, I still catch myself in these situations from time to time.
Picture it … I was shopping. After all, I really needed some new pants. I went from store to store. When I finally found some that I liked, I wanted to get one in every color they had and call it a day. But I didn’t. I did, however, make my way to the register with 2 pairs of pants. All the while I was contemplating if I should really even get either one of them. After all, Christmas is only two months away and I could wait for a coupon to come out. But on the other hand, the pants were on sale (10% off is better than nothing, right?) and they had my size in stock.
When I got to the register, the woman in front of me had, I’m guessing, about $300 or so worth of purchases she was making. As she was handing item after item to the clerk, I heard her say something like “Well, I really don’t NEED these but they are just so cute, I HAVE to buy them. I’ll probably never wear them, though.” And, “My husband is going to be so mad at me, I didn’t get him anything … oh … hold on – there’s a nice shirt, I’ll get him that.”
I began to think to myself, how I probably didn’t need to spend my money on these two pairs of pants. But, at least I wasn’t like the woman in front of me, needlessly buying something I would never wear.
And there I was … looking down on someone else and judging myself to be better than her. When I heard this Scripture Sunday, it make me think - I was worse off than the woman needlessly spending money because of my judgment of her.
Jesus' message / lesson through this parable is simply stated. I love The Message version of the Bible and that lesson in verse 14 of this 8th chapter. “If you walk around with your nose in the air, you’re going to end up flat on your face, but if you’re content to be simply yourself, you will become more than yourself.” I also like the Contemporary English Version’s translation: “If you put yourself above others, you will be put down. But if you humble yourself, you will be honored.”
When I thought about the shopping situation and this verse from Sunday, it was a real slap in the face; a real wake up call that I need to be more humble. It’s a challenge for me. Recently, I took a spiritual gifts inventory that confirmed this. My lowest score was in mercy (and skilled craft). That’s a real growing edge for me!
So, I’m praying for myself. I need to be more like the tax collected and pray for God to give me the know-how and strength to be more merciful, non-judgmental, and compassionate. I mean, after all, I didn’t know the woman in front of me or her life story. Maybe she won the lottery. Maybe her house burned down and she was replacing her clothes. Maybe this was money she had worked really hard to save and was now enjoying spending it on herself and her husband. And, at least she thought to buy her husband something … in the first place!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Margaret and Lucy
I am sad. I’m sad because a terrible thing happened and there was a funeral. Don’t get me wrong, I understand death is a part of life and I’ve experienced the death of people that I am close to in my childhood and in my adult life. I’m no expert on death or anything but I do understand how one feels when losing someone they love and the life-long mourning and journey of personal healing that comes with the experience of death. After all, my father was killed by a drunk driver when I was ten years old. And, all of my grandparents have died between my college and young adult years; most recently my grandmother just over two years ago.
But, for me today, this is a different kind of sad. It is a heart-wrenching, deep, belly aching sadness. Tears don’t help. It’s a kind of sadness that I’ve not experienced before. It’s funny that the Lectionary Scripture on Sunday was Genesis 32 where Jacob wrestles with God, because God and I are in a full on match right now.
I’m not going to lie, I expect to have a perfect little life; unfortunately, for me, it doesn’t ever seem to work that way. Bad things happen; a lot. And, these bad things seem to usually happen to good people. Yesterday I learned that two of my friends who were about 5 months pregnant with twins, lost both of their daughters. So, yep I said it, I’m angry with God over God allowing two of God’s perfect, beautiful creations to be taken away from their parents before they were even out of the womb. I’m angry that I couldn’t be there to help in some way and to grieve with my friends.
Margaret and Lucy’s parents are the kindest, most caring and loving examples of a human being I know and they don’t deserve this. I was lucky enough to meet Jenn and Graham when they became members of the last church where I served as youth minister. Not only did I get to share in ministry with Jenn and Graham (as they served as youth volunteers), but I also had a friendship with them outside of church. They adored my son, Blaine, and he, them. You see, Jenn and Graham had this “swagger” about them. Many of the children of that church, including Blaine, would run up to Graham and hug him each Sunday … it sort of became a ritual for several of them. And the youth were very attracted and connected with Jenn and Graham. These two amazing adults were two of the greatest role models I’ve met. When I left my position at that church a year and a half ago, Graham even served as the interim youth director! Jenn and Graham loved (and still love) the youth of that church. They have a gift for youth ministry and they showed (and still show) that love and share that gift by being a consistent and positive presence in the life of those 6th-12th graders.
As I struggle with God about why such bad things happen to such good people, I realized there is a more fundamental issue for me. It’s also an issue I’ve seen with many of the 6th-12th graders I’ve shared and am sharing in ministry with. When these bad things happen to us or people we know, we tend to judge God's goodness by those circumstances. But, when you think about it that is not a really fair judgment … is it?
I believe it is only natural to question God’s goodness from time to time in our lives. Like - why doesn’t God intervene, why didn’t God save Jenn and Graham this pain? I also believe that sometimes we CAN understand the reasons why bad things happen: the brakes failed, the terrorists hated us, or the cancer had spread too far. But sometimes it gets complicated; sometimes we just don’t understand, as in this case for me.
My guess is if I asked Jenn and Graham about the situation, they would be very sad and I know they are grieving and in pain. But I also don’t think they are yelling "why me?" at God. I know that sounds silly. But, knowing Jenn and Graham and their strength and goodness, they probably see the bigger picture of "why not me?” and eventually “how can we grow and see the positives of the experience?”
Last week I was leading a Bible study based on Rob Bell’s NOOMA series. The lesson was called “Matthew.” You can view a preview of the video below:
The bottom line is (as Rob Bell states) “Whatever you’re feeling in the moment, it’s okay.” But, I don’t think we can judge God purely based on those feelings. God is good, just, loving, and merciful and I know from personal experience how easy it can be for us to lose sight of that in the midst of our pain.
As I imagine Jenn and Graham and how they are dealing with the death of their twins, I imagine that the example we will all see from them is that instead of doubting God's goodness, they are trusting. Trusting - this is a remarkably difficult thing to do. Will Jenn and Graham struggle and wrestle with God to get there? Absolutely! But I am reminded through Genesis 32 that struggling “to get there” means that we are growing. These two remarkable strong individuals will one day be even stronger.
So when these bad things happen to people we know, what can we do / how can we help? Isn’t that just like us human beings? I mean, I don’t know what I can do but I want to help; I want to make it better for Jenn and Graham (even though I know I really can’t). This is one thing that I am struggling with in my current battle with God because the answer is not one I want. The answer? Be present. Be silent. Listen.
In the video (not seen in the preview above), Rob Bell speaks about an ancient Jewish practice called “sitting shiva.” In this practice, when you know someone who loses someone whom they love, you go to their house and you just sit with them. You sit in silence and when/if they want to talk, you listen. So, Jenn and Graham, I am here. I am praying for you daily. I love you. I am here when you are ready for whatever you need.
But, for me today, this is a different kind of sad. It is a heart-wrenching, deep, belly aching sadness. Tears don’t help. It’s a kind of sadness that I’ve not experienced before. It’s funny that the Lectionary Scripture on Sunday was Genesis 32 where Jacob wrestles with God, because God and I are in a full on match right now.
I’m not going to lie, I expect to have a perfect little life; unfortunately, for me, it doesn’t ever seem to work that way. Bad things happen; a lot. And, these bad things seem to usually happen to good people. Yesterday I learned that two of my friends who were about 5 months pregnant with twins, lost both of their daughters. So, yep I said it, I’m angry with God over God allowing two of God’s perfect, beautiful creations to be taken away from their parents before they were even out of the womb. I’m angry that I couldn’t be there to help in some way and to grieve with my friends.
Margaret and Lucy’s parents are the kindest, most caring and loving examples of a human being I know and they don’t deserve this. I was lucky enough to meet Jenn and Graham when they became members of the last church where I served as youth minister. Not only did I get to share in ministry with Jenn and Graham (as they served as youth volunteers), but I also had a friendship with them outside of church. They adored my son, Blaine, and he, them. You see, Jenn and Graham had this “swagger” about them. Many of the children of that church, including Blaine, would run up to Graham and hug him each Sunday … it sort of became a ritual for several of them. And the youth were very attracted and connected with Jenn and Graham. These two amazing adults were two of the greatest role models I’ve met. When I left my position at that church a year and a half ago, Graham even served as the interim youth director! Jenn and Graham loved (and still love) the youth of that church. They have a gift for youth ministry and they showed (and still show) that love and share that gift by being a consistent and positive presence in the life of those 6th-12th graders.
As I struggle with God about why such bad things happen to such good people, I realized there is a more fundamental issue for me. It’s also an issue I’ve seen with many of the 6th-12th graders I’ve shared and am sharing in ministry with. When these bad things happen to us or people we know, we tend to judge God's goodness by those circumstances. But, when you think about it that is not a really fair judgment … is it?
I believe it is only natural to question God’s goodness from time to time in our lives. Like - why doesn’t God intervene, why didn’t God save Jenn and Graham this pain? I also believe that sometimes we CAN understand the reasons why bad things happen: the brakes failed, the terrorists hated us, or the cancer had spread too far. But sometimes it gets complicated; sometimes we just don’t understand, as in this case for me.
My guess is if I asked Jenn and Graham about the situation, they would be very sad and I know they are grieving and in pain. But I also don’t think they are yelling "why me?" at God. I know that sounds silly. But, knowing Jenn and Graham and their strength and goodness, they probably see the bigger picture of "why not me?” and eventually “how can we grow and see the positives of the experience?”
Last week I was leading a Bible study based on Rob Bell’s NOOMA series. The lesson was called “Matthew.” You can view a preview of the video below:
The bottom line is (as Rob Bell states) “Whatever you’re feeling in the moment, it’s okay.” But, I don’t think we can judge God purely based on those feelings. God is good, just, loving, and merciful and I know from personal experience how easy it can be for us to lose sight of that in the midst of our pain.
As I imagine Jenn and Graham and how they are dealing with the death of their twins, I imagine that the example we will all see from them is that instead of doubting God's goodness, they are trusting. Trusting - this is a remarkably difficult thing to do. Will Jenn and Graham struggle and wrestle with God to get there? Absolutely! But I am reminded through Genesis 32 that struggling “to get there” means that we are growing. These two remarkable strong individuals will one day be even stronger.
So when these bad things happen to people we know, what can we do / how can we help? Isn’t that just like us human beings? I mean, I don’t know what I can do but I want to help; I want to make it better for Jenn and Graham (even though I know I really can’t). This is one thing that I am struggling with in my current battle with God because the answer is not one I want. The answer? Be present. Be silent. Listen.
In the video (not seen in the preview above), Rob Bell speaks about an ancient Jewish practice called “sitting shiva.” In this practice, when you know someone who loses someone whom they love, you go to their house and you just sit with them. You sit in silence and when/if they want to talk, you listen. So, Jenn and Graham, I am here. I am praying for you daily. I love you. I am here when you are ready for whatever you need.
Monday, October 11, 2010
The Stroller
Just over a year ago, I was contemplating a move to another town in South Carolina (little did I know God had other plans for me). At my realtor’s suggestion, I packed up most of the “extras” and “clutter” of my house and neatly stacked the boxes in the garage. Before I could stack the boxes, I had to clear out all of the “junk” from the garage that was 7 years worth of accumulation. But, you know what “they” say: “One man’s junk is another’s treasure.” So, I had a yard sale! At that yard sale, I couldn’t bare to part with my (then) four year old’s baby seat and matching stroller. I knew Blaine would NEVER again be able to fit in the stroller, but it just seemed the best place for it was to sit in my garage and accumulate dust and spider webs.
This past weekend, my sister and mom had a yard sale. I planned to try and sell my old washing machine there and as I went out to the garage to clean it off and get it ready, I began to look around my garage. Remember, it’s only been a year or so since I cleaned it out and organized it … As I looked around I realized there was more new “stuff” and I couldn’t figure out where it came from or how my garage had gotten so disorganized and cluttered, AGAIN! As I started to look through the “stuff,” there was that baby seat and stroller. Yep, you guessed it – to the back of the car and over to my sister’s it went.
I’d thought about how much I wanted someone to pay for it and settled on $50 for the set. After all, I’d originally paid over $200.00 for it! But, secretly, I was hoping that no one would ask about it or purchase it. And, until around 11:00a.m. that was working quite nicely for me; I was sure that in about an hour, I’d be packing it pack in my car and returning it to my garage.
I noticed her because she had beautiful red hair and was clearly of Irish decent, but was speaking Spanish and translating for the women with whom she had arrived. They would look at the baby clothes and other toys my sister had out. Then the red headed young woman would ask Jessica a question and tell the others in Spanish what Jessica’s answer was.
About that time, another woman came up and asked about the stroller. She didn’t want the baby seat, just the stroller, so I told her $30. She went to make a phone call to friend she knew might want the stroller but had to leave a message. She was convinced her friend might call back and so she was waiting and continued to look. About that time, I had to walk away for a moment and the red headed woman and her friends asked my sister about the cost of the stroller and seat. Since Jessica had just heard me tell the other woman $30, she told them $30. But, Jessica didn’t know the other woman didn’t want the car seat.
When I returned, Jessica told me what was going on and I was, honestly, a bit disappointed that I wasn’t going to get the full $50 for both pieces, should this red headed lady decide she want to purchase the stroller. But as I watched what unfolded next, I was so impressed with the way these ladies were truly living in community; it reminded me of the characteristics of the early Christian church how they lived in community.
We read in Acts about how willing the early church went about helping one another. See Acts 2:44-47. All the Lord's followers often met together, and they shared everything they had. Verse 45 says: “They would sell their property and possessions and give the money to whoever needed it” (CEV). The main idea is that they were willing to give up all that they had so that others (their own family in Christ) would not have to go without.
As it turned out, the young red headed woman had just given birth to a baby, two weeks ago. This is why she was interested in the stroller. But, apparently, she did not have enough money to purchase the stroller because she had already purchased a car seat cover from my sister. She asked my sister if she could return the car seat cover and my sister said yes. After this, another of the Spanish speaking women purchased the car set cover for the red headed woman. About this time, another of the Spanish speaking women, went out to her car and came back with a $20 bill and gave it to the red headed woman. Still another of the Spanish speaking women, made her purchase of some clothes and gave her “change” to the red headed woman. She handed me the $30 and pushed the stroller away.
While all of this was going on, I had a few moments to prepare myself for the departure of the stroller. I know this is silly … but, emotionally, I thought it would be a hard thing to see the stroller and car seat rolled away and placed in someone else’s car. After all, letting go of the stroller meant I have to admit I have a big boy, kindergartner now, right? And that means I’m getting older. And that means, before I know it Blaine will be off to college. And that means things are changing. And that means … well, you see my thought pattern here, right? But I sat stunned, yet at peace, as these four women walked out of the yard side by side - laughing, talking, and happy for all they had accomplished together. I’m sure they thought they got a good deal on all they left my sister’s yard with (and they did), but more than that they gave and shared all they had, so that another could benefit. What a great lesson God spoke and challenged me with through these ladies.
Might I do a better job at remembering, every day, how blessed and lucky I am to live in community with such good friends, family, and in my church. Might I strive to be more like those Spanish speaking women who would do anything to help their red-headed “sister.”
This past weekend, my sister and mom had a yard sale. I planned to try and sell my old washing machine there and as I went out to the garage to clean it off and get it ready, I began to look around my garage. Remember, it’s only been a year or so since I cleaned it out and organized it … As I looked around I realized there was more new “stuff” and I couldn’t figure out where it came from or how my garage had gotten so disorganized and cluttered, AGAIN! As I started to look through the “stuff,” there was that baby seat and stroller. Yep, you guessed it – to the back of the car and over to my sister’s it went.
I’d thought about how much I wanted someone to pay for it and settled on $50 for the set. After all, I’d originally paid over $200.00 for it! But, secretly, I was hoping that no one would ask about it or purchase it. And, until around 11:00a.m. that was working quite nicely for me; I was sure that in about an hour, I’d be packing it pack in my car and returning it to my garage.
I noticed her because she had beautiful red hair and was clearly of Irish decent, but was speaking Spanish and translating for the women with whom she had arrived. They would look at the baby clothes and other toys my sister had out. Then the red headed young woman would ask Jessica a question and tell the others in Spanish what Jessica’s answer was.
About that time, another woman came up and asked about the stroller. She didn’t want the baby seat, just the stroller, so I told her $30. She went to make a phone call to friend she knew might want the stroller but had to leave a message. She was convinced her friend might call back and so she was waiting and continued to look. About that time, I had to walk away for a moment and the red headed woman and her friends asked my sister about the cost of the stroller and seat. Since Jessica had just heard me tell the other woman $30, she told them $30. But, Jessica didn’t know the other woman didn’t want the car seat.
When I returned, Jessica told me what was going on and I was, honestly, a bit disappointed that I wasn’t going to get the full $50 for both pieces, should this red headed lady decide she want to purchase the stroller. But as I watched what unfolded next, I was so impressed with the way these ladies were truly living in community; it reminded me of the characteristics of the early Christian church how they lived in community.
We read in Acts about how willing the early church went about helping one another. See Acts 2:44-47. All the Lord's followers often met together, and they shared everything they had. Verse 45 says: “They would sell their property and possessions and give the money to whoever needed it” (CEV). The main idea is that they were willing to give up all that they had so that others (their own family in Christ) would not have to go without.
As it turned out, the young red headed woman had just given birth to a baby, two weeks ago. This is why she was interested in the stroller. But, apparently, she did not have enough money to purchase the stroller because she had already purchased a car seat cover from my sister. She asked my sister if she could return the car seat cover and my sister said yes. After this, another of the Spanish speaking women purchased the car set cover for the red headed woman. About this time, another of the Spanish speaking women, went out to her car and came back with a $20 bill and gave it to the red headed woman. Still another of the Spanish speaking women, made her purchase of some clothes and gave her “change” to the red headed woman. She handed me the $30 and pushed the stroller away.
While all of this was going on, I had a few moments to prepare myself for the departure of the stroller. I know this is silly … but, emotionally, I thought it would be a hard thing to see the stroller and car seat rolled away and placed in someone else’s car. After all, letting go of the stroller meant I have to admit I have a big boy, kindergartner now, right? And that means I’m getting older. And that means, before I know it Blaine will be off to college. And that means things are changing. And that means … well, you see my thought pattern here, right? But I sat stunned, yet at peace, as these four women walked out of the yard side by side - laughing, talking, and happy for all they had accomplished together. I’m sure they thought they got a good deal on all they left my sister’s yard with (and they did), but more than that they gave and shared all they had, so that another could benefit. What a great lesson God spoke and challenged me with through these ladies.
Might I do a better job at remembering, every day, how blessed and lucky I am to live in community with such good friends, family, and in my church. Might I strive to be more like those Spanish speaking women who would do anything to help their red-headed “sister.”
Monday, October 4, 2010
Pray with Me?
This week at youth groups, we are electing our student leadership team members! Sunday, at our senior high youth group, we began our time together with a devotion on leadership. The students listed several qualities of being a leader and then we discussed how Jesus exemplified each of the characteristics they listed. Bottom line - we should strive to model our lives and ourselves as leaders after the example of Jesus. Afterall, it's all about example, right?! You may be the only Jesus somebody knows.
Also, this morning, in our stewardship Bible study, we were challenged to make a list of all of the things of which we should be good stewards (i.e. our bodies, our church, our money, our time, our attitude, our environment, and more!).
These two conversations convicted me to thinking further about myself and about three personal challenges I have been considering lately. I am challenged arond being a good steward of my time, attitudes, and priorities. I bet most of our students (and parents, for sure) can relate to these challenges!
For me, I've been convicted about being a good steward of my time and priorities, in part, because we hear so much about all of the miraculous healings Jesus was a part of in Bible stories. But, then I heard a challenge to consider the fact that Jesus frequently left people unhealed. Upon further investigation I realized that, quite often, Jesus said "no" to good things! I have a very hard time saying "no" to anything. What a great example to consider in today's busy, busy, busy culture.
As Blaine and I are living in to this new lifestyle of a 7:45pm bedtime (since he began kindergarten this year), I've been forced to saying "no" to friends and fun things, to meetings, and to many other options. Does time and priority challegne you? Do you feel convicted to say "no" to sport team practice or other extra-curricular activities on Wednesday nights so you can focus on your discipleship at youth group? Do you sleep in on Sunday morning or do you take moment to worship God with your church family? I heard a challenge today by the hip hop artist Jason Petty a.k.a. "Propoganda." When I was a teenager I loved to sleep! And there is not much better than a lazy Sunday morning! But this artist's statement is clear and profoud! He said (in the middle of sharing this epic poem) "You can chase down dreams or you can catch up on sleep." Click below to view the performance.
I'm also challenged about my attitude frequently. I mentioned in the front page devotion I wrote for our students in our October Student Ministry newsletter that I am a very emotional person and that because of that a growing edge for me is to think before speaking.
I've been especially challenged about being a good steward of my attitude in relation to the recent congregational survey at our chuch and an upcoming church-wide conversation about the results (this Sunday). I want to have and have been praying for the attitude of helping fix any issues for our congregation and discern the best way to move foward and bring excitement to Zion. On the other hand, it could seem that it would be much simpler and less challenging to just sit back and watch or remove ourselves from the conversation altogether. But, that would be too easy! And, I certainly don't think that is the approach Jesus would have taken. Does that challenge you?
I pray that our students and parents will join me in the challenge of being a good steward of our time, attitudes, and priorities as our church body gathers this Sudnay afternoon at 4:30pm to disuss the survey results and discern how to move foward at Zion Lutheran Church! Pray with me?
Also, this morning, in our stewardship Bible study, we were challenged to make a list of all of the things of which we should be good stewards (i.e. our bodies, our church, our money, our time, our attitude, our environment, and more!).
These two conversations convicted me to thinking further about myself and about three personal challenges I have been considering lately. I am challenged arond being a good steward of my time, attitudes, and priorities. I bet most of our students (and parents, for sure) can relate to these challenges!
For me, I've been convicted about being a good steward of my time and priorities, in part, because we hear so much about all of the miraculous healings Jesus was a part of in Bible stories. But, then I heard a challenge to consider the fact that Jesus frequently left people unhealed. Upon further investigation I realized that, quite often, Jesus said "no" to good things! I have a very hard time saying "no" to anything. What a great example to consider in today's busy, busy, busy culture.
As Blaine and I are living in to this new lifestyle of a 7:45pm bedtime (since he began kindergarten this year), I've been forced to saying "no" to friends and fun things, to meetings, and to many other options. Does time and priority challegne you? Do you feel convicted to say "no" to sport team practice or other extra-curricular activities on Wednesday nights so you can focus on your discipleship at youth group? Do you sleep in on Sunday morning or do you take moment to worship God with your church family? I heard a challenge today by the hip hop artist Jason Petty a.k.a. "Propoganda." When I was a teenager I loved to sleep! And there is not much better than a lazy Sunday morning! But this artist's statement is clear and profoud! He said (in the middle of sharing this epic poem) "You can chase down dreams or you can catch up on sleep." Click below to view the performance.
I'm also challenged about my attitude frequently. I mentioned in the front page devotion I wrote for our students in our October Student Ministry newsletter that I am a very emotional person and that because of that a growing edge for me is to think before speaking.
I've been especially challenged about being a good steward of my attitude in relation to the recent congregational survey at our chuch and an upcoming church-wide conversation about the results (this Sunday). I want to have and have been praying for the attitude of helping fix any issues for our congregation and discern the best way to move foward and bring excitement to Zion. On the other hand, it could seem that it would be much simpler and less challenging to just sit back and watch or remove ourselves from the conversation altogether. But, that would be too easy! And, I certainly don't think that is the approach Jesus would have taken. Does that challenge you?
I pray that our students and parents will join me in the challenge of being a good steward of our time, attitudes, and priorities as our church body gathers this Sudnay afternoon at 4:30pm to disuss the survey results and discern how to move foward at Zion Lutheran Church! Pray with me?
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